Relationships: Part 1

Listen to the five-minute Relationships audio program from Coach’s Corner. 

Remember the old expression:

It’s not what you know, it’s who you know

Relationships, or who you know, are huge for any leader, and if the expression “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” is true, then relationships are huge for everyone.

But what about those of us who are trying to follow Jesus? Should who we know be more important that what we know and what we can do?

Beats me. Part of me says it should be about what you know and what you’re able to do that gets you the best opportunities in life and in ministry. But I just don’t believe that’s the way it often works, and I haven’t found anything the Bible that says it’s wrong. So I may as well embrace it and share my thoughts with you as I do.

Pastor and prolific author John Maxwell defines leadership this way:

Influence, nothing more, nothing less.

Of all the things I can do to influence another, being in relationship with that person is the most powerful. I think God tells us the same about being in relationship with him. After all, it’s not what you know but who you know.

Another expression that has impacted me over the years is this:

People don’t care how much you know till they know how much you care.

And people won’t know how much I care—assuming I do care—unless I have relationships with them. Strong, caring relationships are huge for Christian leaders.

I had a mentor who once said this to a group:

People feel as committed to an organization as they feel the organization is committed to them.

By and large, I think this is true. So what is it that makes people feel like the organization is committed to them?

The organization’s policies and structures? Well, yes, to a degree, but more so the relationship they have with their direct supervisor. If they feel their supervisor is committed to them, they will respond with their own commitment and loyalty.

This same mentor also said that as leaders we are to build a team where individuals give a high degree of discretionary effort. His contention is that all workers can find a minimum level of performance to get by, but for the organization to be highly successful, we need everyone to go well beyond that minimum.

We need every team member to give the extra effort, extra passion, extra piece of him- or herself. This will only happen when each team member feels the organization also gives him or her something extra.  Research suggests it’s not money or benefits that make the biggest difference in feeling this something extra. It’s the relationship team members have with their leaders.

Here’s another example of where this is clearly seen: There is all sorts of training done in the world of sales. Much of that training boils down to one simple thing: learning how to create relationships, not how to sing the praises of certain products and services.

Some experts contend that people make buying decisions based more on emotion than objective data. I believe this. Of course the objective data may drive certain emotions in the person you’re selling to, but so does your relationship with that person.

I’ll give a lot more leeway and benefit of the doubt with people I know well and trust. This gives them an unfair advantage over someone I don’t know and trust, where the data just speaks for itself.

It’s who you know, not just what you know.

Professors and consultants who have been studying the importance of relationships in organizations have developed some tools that allow us to see who has more relationships than others. These researchers come into your organization and map out who on your team has the most and the best relationships, and they would suggest that this predicts who the best leaders are.

They do this using a tool called a sociogram. You can see examples of them online (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociogram.) Some believe, and I think with good reason, that this gives a visual scorecard of who has a lot of leadership power and who doesn’t.

Another concept about relationships I like is this,

You become the average of the people you hang out with.

I don’t know if this is true, but for me it rings true, so I’ve been intentional about creating some relationships with people I admire.  Based on this experience, I believe more deeply that it is true, and I thank God for the people in my life who help me to be a better follower and leader!

So here’s a challenge for you this week. Are there some people that would be good for you to build a new or stronger relationship with? Maybe someone who works for you? Maybe someone who would help you be a better person? Maybe a person you’d like to sell to or minister to? If so, what could you do to reach out to that person this week and build the relationship?

In my next post I’ll share some ideas about how to build these strong relationships. Some of them might surprise you.

Until next week, I pray you experience God’s rich blessings!

Post by Rodger.
Image by Neal.