Communication: Part 2

This is part two in a series on communication. You may want to take a look at Part 1.

Listen to the five-minute Communication: Part 2 audio program from Coach’s Corner. 

One of my favorite expressions is

I can’t hear what you’re saying because your actions speak too loud.

If you just read part 1 in this series you may think I’m repeating the same post, but I’m not. I just like that expression and will talk about it again in this post.

In the first part of this series on communication, I wrote about why communication is so important for Christian leaders, and I asked you think about three wonderings:

1. Maybe listening well is more important than speaking well.
2. Maybe behaving well is more important than speaking well.
3. What would happen in our world if both the sender and the receiver, both the speaker and the listener, believed they were 100 percent responsible for effective communication?

I would love to hear what you all would have to say about this, but until then, I will share my thoughts with you:

First, the wondering about listening being more important than speaking. Listening is one of the obvious traits I’ve seen in great leaders that I’ve known.

• They seem to listen to learn all that is going on before responding. This displays the kind of wisdom that comes from the expression, “a closed mouth gathers no foot.”
• They seem to listen to validate the other person. This shows a desire to understand what the other is saying. Understanding another is a way of validating that person and showing him or her respect.
• In meetings or social settings, I’ve noticed that most of the great leaders are last to speak. They ask others to share their insights first.
• Once the other person is finished speaking, great leaders often go beyond listening and ask questions to gain even more information and provide even more validation and respect.
• They know that listening is a gift to others and invaluable in finding out all kinds of information that will help them know what’s going on in the organization.

Only after all this will most great leaders speak and share their thoughts. By then, the other person’s needs have been met and he or she will be ready to listen. Wow, this is a great trait of great leaders. I’m trying to become this kind of leader. What about you?

The second wondering goes to one of my favorite expressions:  I can’t hear what you’re saying because your actions speak too loud. This is the opposite of the near worthless expression: Do as I say, not as I do. How often does that one work?

Another way of saying this comes from a quote from Ghandi:

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

There is a thought experiment that I’ve been testing with people for the past several years. Maybe someday I’ll do the actual experiment. It goes something like this:

There are two organizations that both want to change. They could be two churches, two faith-based nonprofits, or two similar sized businesses. The change that each leadership team wants to pursue is significant and will require different behaviors in each of them and in the greater team. For the sake of this example let’s say the change is to become more collaborative as a team.

Organization A pursues this significant change the usual way:

• They talk about it with each other.
• They make a communication plan, which includes lots of speeches and memos, and carry it out.
• They lay out some benchmarks of what change needs to happen and then they do their best to measure the progress.

Organization B tells their staff that beyond the executive team level, they aren’t allowed to use words to communicate the desired change; they can only communicate it through their actions.

Wow, that would be really tough. It would force the executive team to change before asking others to change. So here’s the question: which organization has more success in driving the desired change in the first year… or the third year?

What do you think?

I think the “no-words allowed” organization B will make much more progress than the “drive change as usual” organization A.

These first two wonderings about the power of listening, and the power of our actions are enough for today’s. Next week I’ll tackle the third wondering: What would happen in our world if both the sender and the receiver believe they are 100 percent responsible for effective communication?

Until then I pray that you experience God’s rich blessings.

Post by Rodger.
Image by aloshbennett. 

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